I might be the only person on earth who contemplates the psychological underpinnings of spam. Yes, spam, that wonderful junk mail that everyone gets in their e-mailboxes. That scourge of the Internet and the raison d’etre for e-mail filters. Even though spam has caused me more than my share of grief, I still find some of it amusing, odd, bizarre, and sometimes even worthy of awe. I find myself drawn to the mystery. Sometimes the messages contain links to "legitimate" businesses, but just as often the links go nowhere and attempts to reply to the senders are usually in vain. Thus a lot of the messages are an end in themselves, with no hope of the "sellers" ever making a sale or even establishing contact with the people they are making a pitch to. What shadowy characters are behind these messages, and why do they send them? Are there people out there who pour their entire lives and energies into sending these things out? And if so, what are they hoping to accomplish? Did the people who sent me the message alluringly titled "RACCOONS FUCKING" (which inside was actually offering an incredible deal on home refinancing) really think they were going to make a sale???

The mystery continues...

urgent from taiwan
No, don’t panic! Despite its strong Asian fan base, the band Foreigner has not relocated to the Far East. Instead, this offer of a chance to cash in on 10% of $30,000,000 was sent to me personally (yes, lil’ ol’ me) from the strong and influential Mr. Yong Woo. This man probably power lunches in Singapore and Hong Kong at least twice a week. Though it was very tempting, my conscience forced me to stick to my vow of poverty. Sorry, Mr. Woo!

complete control
Is Neil Smuda a pseudonym for Joe Strummer? Perhaps the former Clash frontman has cheated death and figured out how to communicate to us, via e-mail, his accomplishments from the other side. He'd deny it of course, but if true, it shows us how bored he is with the C.S.A. (current state of the afterlife). Personally, I just wish he'd cut the crap.